Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
