it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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