So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
