dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize