I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
