I just saw a hot homeless man
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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