my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
