It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
