Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
