i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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