Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
