I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize