My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
