How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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