If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
