I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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