Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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