She's JV to your varsity
my phone needs a breathalizer
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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