i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
