Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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