Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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