and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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