Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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