i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
