There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
