I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
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