I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
