He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
