I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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