...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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