whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
