please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
