he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
