I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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