i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Your topless pictures make me question reality
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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