My room smells like vodka and shame
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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