He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
