'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Randomize
