I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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