imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
