Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
How's work?
Spinning.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
