Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
