no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
