Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
