this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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