i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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