why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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