Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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