This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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