Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
