well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
