I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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