just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
