I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
