apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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