Three words: puerto rican gang bang
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
