After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
