The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Randomize
