I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize