singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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