S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
