Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
